funny christian quotes

Responsibility: A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one's neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star. ~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911



The teenager seems to have replaced the Communist as the appropriate target for public controversy and foreboding. ~Edgar Friedenberg, The Vanishing Adolescent



George Washington is the only president who didn't blame the previous administration for his troubles. ~Author Unknown



Not all religion is to be found in the church, any more than all knowledge is found in the classroom. ~Author Unknown



Man - despite his artistic pretensions, his sophistication, and his many accomplishments - owes his existence to a six inch layer of topsoil and the fact that it rains. ~Author Unknown



I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich. ~Colonel Potter, M*A*S*H



The silence depressed me. It wasn't the silence of silence. It was my own silence. ~Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar



He changed sunset into sunrise. ~Clement of Alexandria



Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. ~Fight Club movie, screenplay by Jim Uhls, directed by David Fincher, novel by Chuck Palahniuk



I am sure it is a great mistake always to know enough to go in when it rains. One may keep snug and dry by such knowledge, but one misses a world of loveliness. ~Adeline Knapp I am sure that nothing has such a decisive influence upon a man's course as his personal appearance, and not so much his appearance as his belief in its attractiveness or unattractiveness. ~Leo Tolstoy



The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit. ~Nelson Henderson The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit. ~Nelson Henderson



An original idea. That can't be too hard. The library must be full of them. ~Stephen Fry



I am thankful for the mess to clean after a party because it means I have been surrounded by friends. ~Nancie J. Carmody



Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want. ~Margaret Young



We must have passed through life unobservantly, if we have never perceived that a man is very much himself what he thinks of others. ~Frederick W. Faber



Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation. ~Oscar Wilde, De Profundis, 1905



Let us be grateful to the mirror for revealing to us our appearance only. ~Samuel Butler, Erewhon



Your heart knows best. Your brain knows how to get you there. ~CJ Reed, @cjreed2112



History is a damn dim candle over a damn dark abyss. ~W. Stull Holt



The greatest obstacle to discovering the shape of the earth, the continents and the ocean was not ignorance but the illusion of knowledge. ~Daniel J. Boorstin, The Discoverers

laksa goreng

If we had no faults of our own, we would not take so much pleasure in noticing those of others. ~Francois duc de la Rochefoucauld



The problem in defense is how far you can go without destroying from within what you are trying to defend from without. ~Dwight D. Eisenhower



Grammar stops at love, and at art. ~Terri Guillemets



Grammar is the grave of letters. ~Elbert Hubbard



But it is a cold, lifeless business when you go to the shops to buy something, which does not represent your life and talent, but a goldsmith's. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Gifts," Essays, Second Series, 1844



Beauty's sister is vanity, and its daughter lust. ~Author Unknown



There is a muscular energy in sunlight corresponding to the spiritual energy of wind. ~Annie Dillard



Flowers have spoken to me more than I can tell in written words. They are the hieroglyphics of angels, loved by all men for the beauty of their character, though few can decipher even fragments of their meaning. ~Lydia M. Child



If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country. ~Author Unknown



Faith is putting all your eggs in God's basket, then counting your blessings before they hatch. ~Ramona C. Carroll



The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings. ~Eric Hoffer



You can swim all day in the Sea of Knowledge and still come out completely dry. Most people do. ~Author Unknown



Those who live by numbers can also perish by them and it is a terrifying thing to have an adding machine write an epitaph, either way. ~George J.W. Goodman, The Money Game



Man - a reasoning rather than a reasonable animal. ~Alexander Hamilton



Don't water your weeds. ~Proverb



It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations.... The quotations when engraved upon the memory give you good thoughts. They also make you anxious to read the authors and look for more. ~Winston Churchill, Roving Commission: My Early Life, 1930



You always pass failure on your way to success. ~Mickey Rooney



Baseball is a game where a curve is an optical illusion, a screwball can be a pitch or a person, stealing is legal and you can spit anywhere you like except in the umpire's eye or on the ball. ~Jim Murray



Man - a creature made at the end of the week's work when God was tired. ~Mark Twain



Memory is a child walking along a seashore. You never can tell what small pebble it will pick up and store away among its treasured things. ~Pierce Harris, Atlanta Journal

quotes about education and learning

Who wants to live with one foot in hell just for the sake of nostalgia? Our time is forever now! ~Alice Childress



If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did." ~Saturday Night Live, Jack Handey, "Deep Thoughts "



We never repent of having eaten too little. ~Thomas Jefferson



Hope is the only bee that makes honey without flowers. ~Robert Ingersoll Hope is the only universal liar who never loses his reputation for veracity. ~Robert G. Ingersoll



The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition. ~Dave Barry



Let us leave the beautiful women to men with no imagination. ~Marcel Proust, Albertine disparue, 1925



It was his nature to blossom into song, as it is a tree's to leaf itself in April. ~Alexander Smith



Teaching is the profession that teaches all the other professions. ~Author Unknown



There is a great deal of poetry and fine sentiment in a chest of tea. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson, Letters and Social Aims



There is only one thing more painful than learning from experience, and that is not learning from experience. ~Laurence J. Peter



Complaint is the largest tribute heaven receives and the sincerest part of our devotion. ~Jonathan Swift



My heart that was rapt away by the wild cherry blossoms - will it return to my body when they scatter? ~Kotomichi



What the teacher is, is more important than what he teaches. ~Karl Menninger



No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap. ~Author Unknown



Democracy is when the indigent, and not the men of property, are the rulers. ~Aristotle



Life and death are balanced on the edge of a razor. ~Homer, Iliad



The list of Irish saints is past counting; but in it all no other figure is so human, friendly, and lovable as St. Patrick - who was an Irishman only by adoption. ~Stephen Gwynn



I never knew whether to pity or congratulate a man on coming to his senses. ~William Makepeace Thackeray



I feel that I am a citizen of the American dream and that the revolutionary struggle of which I am a part is a struggle against the American nightmare. ~Eldridge Cleaver



You know, we've got to do it someday... throw away all the guns and invite all the jokers from the North and the South in here to a cocktail party... last man standing on his feet at the end wins the war. ~Hawkeye, "Pilot Episode," 1972 You know, we've got to do it someday... throw away all the guns and invite all the jokers from the north and the south in here to a cocktail party... last man standing on his feet at the end wins the war. ~Hawkeye, "Pilot Episode," original airdate 17 September 1972, written by Larry Gelbart, directed by Gene Reynolds

quotes for lost loved ones

If by gaining knowledge we destroy our health, we labour for a thing that will be useless in our hands. ~John Locke



If a man write a better book, preach a better sermon, or make a better mousetrap than his neighbor, though he build his house in the woods, the world will make a beaten path to his door. ~Mrs. Sarah S.B. Yule credits this quotation to Ralph Waldo Emerson in her Borrowings, 1889



The words you choose to say something are just as important as the decision to speak. ~Author Unknown



America, for me, has been the pursuit and catching of happiness. ~Aurora Raigne



Opportunity is a bird that never perches. ~Claude McDonald



The professional military mind is by necessity an inferior and unimaginative mind; no man of high intellectual quality would willingly imprison his gifts in such a calling. ~H.G. Wells, The Outline of History, 1920



Never iron a four-leaf clover, because you don't want to press your luck. ~Author Unknown



Generally the theories we believe we call facts, and the facts we disbelieve we call theories. ~Felix Cohen



The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping with her. ~Marcelene Cox



Decisions become easier when your will to please God outweighs your will to please the world. ~Anso Coetzer



A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction. ~Oscar Wilde



Men will often admit other women are oppressed but not you. ~Sheila Rowbotham



That maketh the leaf and the flower come out. ~Bertran de Born



Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you. ~Ogden Nash



Her lips on his could tell him better than all her stumbling words. ~Margaret Mitchell



Infidel: In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one who does. ~Ambrose Bierce



Beauty... is the shadow of God on the universe. ~Gabriela Mistral, Desolacion



You know how I feel about tacos. It's the only food shaped like a smile. A beef smile. ~Danielle Sanchez-Witzel and Michael Pennie, My Name is Earl, "South of the Border Part Uno/Dos," original airdate 7 December 2006, spoken by the character Earl Hickey



We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. ~Lynn Hall



You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. ~Eleanor Roosevelt

funny christian quotes

Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall. ~Larry Wilde, The Merry Book of Christmas



To me, the greatest pleasure of writing is not what it's about, but the inner music the words make. ~Truman Capote, McCall's, November 1967



Any man may be in good spirits and good temper when he's well dressed. There ain't much credit in that. ~Charles Dickens



When you gamble with safety, you bet your life. ~Author Unknown



Women, don't get a tattoo. That butterfly looks great on your breast when you're twenty or thirty, but when you get to seventy, it stretches into a condor. ~Billy Elmer



Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't. ~Richard Bach



"This fall I think you're riding for - it's a special kind of fall, a horrible kind. The man falling isn't permitted to feel or hear himself hit bottom. He just keeps falling and falling. The whole arrangement's designed for men who, at some time or other in their lives, were looking for something their own environment couldn't supply them with. Or they thought their own environment couldn't supply them with. So they gave up looking. They gave it up before they ever really even got started." ~J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye, Chapter 24, spoken by the character Mr. Antolini



Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love! ~Hamilton Wright Mabie



Love, and a cough, cannot be hid. ~George Herbert, Jacula Prudentum, 1651



Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end. ~Max Eastman



Our siblings. They resemble us just enough to make all their differences confusing, and no matter what we choose to make of this, we are cast in relation to them our whole lives long. ~Susan Scarf Merrell



A fine is a tax for doing something wrong. A tax is a fine for doing something right. Author Unknown



Luck is when opportunity knocks and you answer. ~Author Unknown



Religion seems to have a way of making people abandon logic. ~Amanda Baxter



Programming is similar to a game of golf. The point is not getting the ball in the hole but how many strokes it takes. ~Harlan Mills



Wanting to change, to improve, a person's situation means offering him, for difficulties in which he is practiced and experienced, other difficulties that will find him perhaps even more bewildered. ~Rainer Maria Rilke



We always keep God waiting while we admit more importunate suitors. ~Malcolm de Chazal



Barbarism is needed every four or five hundred years to bring the world back to life. Otherwise it would die of civilization. ~Edmond and Jules de Goncourt, Journal, 3 September 1855



Perhaps history is a thing that would stop happening if God held His breath, or could be imagined as turning away to think of something else. ~Herbert Butterfield, Christianity and History



A friend accepts us as we are yet helps us to be what we should. ~Author Unknown